What a lovely modern age we live in

that a person can get harassed by SMS...

Yup, this is the latest in the saga of my life. Someone has taken it upon themselves to sling accusations and slander, all of them baseless, in my general direction. And to top it off they are refusing to reveal who they are. It is obviously someone who knows me but they have gone to the trouble of acquiring a prepaid sim card for their phone (which ANYONE can get without having any trace of who purchased it) and using it for their 'fun-and-games'.

Luckily I have many contacts and they themselves have many... so I have managed to find out a fair deal of information... HOWEVER not WHO it is, and here is my problem. I do not know anyone who would have the motivation to do something like this and definitely no-one who WOULD actually do this. There is one possible culprit but I don't know enough yet to actually confront them about it (although I am still waiting for some information to come in).

This has all managed to get me more pissed off than I have been in a long time... whoever this is I will find them - I don't think they realise just who they are messing with.

I WILL FIND THEM

LIFE!!!

It's the shit that happens while you are making other plans.

What are your views?

The BEFH: The Saga Continues

Maybe it is just me (I doubt it), but just in case I am throwing this out for comment. My ex has decided that the following is completely logical and sensical... This is the culminating statement of last night's fiasco... "Well if I can't see you then I don't want to see the kids either!". WTF.

Someone please explain to me on what planet that makes sense. His 'explanation' of this statement is that he sees me and the kids as one unit and cannot separate his love for us. Therefore the fact that I have told him to fuckoff out of my life once and for all means that he feels he cannot stand to see the kids again either.

This all came about after I got home yesterday after my sons concert (which was soooo cute) to find that he had set up a complete candle lit dinner in MY lounge, and me completely loosing my cool and telling him it is unacceptable, unwanted, invasion of privacy (AGAIN), I'll be changing my locks and getting a restraining order against what I now consider to be a stalker. "But I die a little bit each time I walk away from you" he said... to which I responded that he must just fuckoff and die now as I NEVER EVER EVER want to see him again other than at kid exchanges.

AARRRGGGGGGGG

You know what... good riddance to bad rubbish is all I can say.

By the time he left I was soooo frazzled by the events of the evening, and was left quite upset and even sad... but let me explain why before you start thinking that I still have an iota of feeling for the man.

Why was I upset... well for 2 reasons... one selfish and one not

1. My children... How do I explain to them that their father doesn't want to see them again? Do I bother trying to explain it at all? As much as I can't stand the sight of him anymore, they do still need a father in their lives... Especially my son

2. My 'me' time (the time I had to myself when they went to their father) is now gone. It is not that I want to get away from my kids (couldn't be further from the truth). But those fortnightly breaks help me to restore some of my sanity, and unwind and have some adult conversation. My time to just do what I want, when I want and how I want. But more than THAT... what will I do with them now during my planned, booked and paid for holiday at the end of the year.

This is not the first time he has pulled this 'stunt', but the big difference is that in the past I would give in (due to above 2 reasons) and put up with him and his presence in my life. BUT NOT ANYMORE. As for the rest, well... I'll survive, I always do... and I am going to have to start relying on family more.

A night to remember... Fatal blogging mistake... And the EX from HELL

WOW, WOW, WOW, Incredible, Fantastic, Spectacular... Last night was in a word... AMAZING.

This is the third time I have had the pleasure of seeing LIVE in concert in Cape Town and each time they get better and better - as does the crowd. I went with Ms C and met up with her sister and BIL. We also tracked down Adumski & Samwise and a few of their friends (A... You are off the proverbial hook for now). Later Yummy-D was spotted (although that is not a difficult thing as this 6'4" person stands out in the crowd a little) with L2.

It was an evening of incredible music and much dancing, singing (shouting) and FUN. The Parlotones were the opening act for the evening and they were also SUPERB... they had the crowd up and on their feet from the very first song and what followed was 4 hours of ROCK. YEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. Needless to say my feet and voice are suffering a little this morning... but it was WELL WORTH IT.

Irish was there aswell although he had managed to secure golden circle tickets with a backstage pass through a friend (proving again that it is WHO you know not WHAT you know that counts), and HERE lies my fatal blogging mistake. Not long after I met him I, in a moment of madness, told him about my blog. This has meant that I have been censoring my entries concerning him a little... but not any more.

IRISH... if you are reading this... please be warned that this is a place for me to vent anonymously and let off steam when needed... so keep that in mind when reading any future entries... better yet... stop reading them.

And now for the slimy, manipulative, bastard ex from hell.

Last week I told him about the fact that I had met someone... and that is all I told him. This then sent him into a 5 day sulk from which he emerged last night. Seeing as I was going out for the evening, he came to babysit the kids and in the 20 minutes that I was at home for a quick change out of work attire and freshening up to go out he cornered me and continued to profess his undying love for me.

AARRRGGGGGG, does this bastard just not get it. When we were married he was never around... when we were separated he couldn't give a flying fuck about trying to fix things... now, almost 2 years after we were divorced, after I have made peace with the fact that it is over and am no longer angry/depressed/sad, after I have moved on and a statement like that simply has NO MORE EFFECT ON ME... he has the audacity to tell me that he has never loved me as much as he does now, and how he can't live without me, and then fucking tries to kiss me. KISS ME.... it was all I could do not to bitch-slap him. He is a leach.... no... worse than that... he is a microbe that lives in the slimy scum of a leach.

For the sake of the kids I have been trying to keep a friendship going between him and I, but I simply cannot do this anymore. My life is complicated enough, and it is time to start removing some of these complications. I foresee all the locks at home being replaced very very soon, and all kid exchanges happening in public venues from now on. He is still their father and I will have to put up with him at all school events and important day's in their lives... but I will no longer tolerate him in MY home.

Unexplained fevers and sleep deprivation

Today I am exausted... my mind is no longer functioning correctly... and any form of coherant speach is not to be expected.

I have had (almost) no sleep in 3 days now. Why? because at this moment I have 2 sick children with absolutely NO explination of what is wrong.

It all started on Wednesday with my son (3yrs) complaining about not feeling well. Seeing as he is only in creche and won't miss anything by staying away, I left him at home with the nanny for the day. By the time I got back from work he had a raging fever - so off I dash to take him to the doctor. Full checkup and NOTHING... no ear infection, no throwt or lung infection, stomach is fine and no visual signs of meningitis (phew)... just a fever and a headache. And that is how it has continued since with him. Okay during the day, but at night a soaring temp and fever-shivers. The only course of action I can take is trying to cool him down and keep him dosed up on Ponstan and Panado.

But, wouldn't you know it... as soon as he is showing signs of getting better, my daughter (7yrs) comes down with what seems to be the same thing. Again, off to the doctor to do a check up and set my mind to rest that there isn't something more sinister going on, and again the same outcome. NOTHING.

While there the GP indicated that they had seen a number of similar cases over the last few days... unexplained fevers and headaches. The only idea being that it is some kind of flu virus doing the rounds in children and adults (which does not bode well for me...)

What all this has done to my sleep patterns is throw them into complete disaray... have you ever tried sharing a bed with two sick, feverish, restless children who insist on cuddling with mommy when they are not feeling well... in the infamous words of Faithless - "I can't get NO SLEEP"

AARRGGGGGGHHHHHH

It’s amazing how one bad meeting, one stupid person, one idiotic comment can turn a person’s mood and start that ever quickening downward spiral into oblivion. That is exactly what happened to me yesterday.

It was going to be an average day, not too much work, not too little… just enough to keep me occupied for the day. And at the end of this perfectly average day I had a teleconference. So at 4PM I packed my bags, knowing that I had to leave straight after the meeting to be on time to fetch the munchkins from school, and walked into the meeting from HELL with dick-brain and fuck-face. Thank god these 2 wastes of space disguised as human beings are half way around the world or I might just have done something that would normally guarantee a person a stint in jail, but that of course assumes that the organism that is injured did in fact have self-awareness beyond that of an ANT to start with (no one goes to jail for stomping on an ant do they).

At this point I would normally detail the last 3 months of argument and banter with these idiots trying to convince them that we are right and they are wrong that led up to this infamous meeting, but I won’t (and if you knew any better you would be thanking me right now). Just trust me when I say that this was not the first meeting of its kind and is unlikely to be the last. But then again, if I was earning $180 per hour I might also be doing everything in my power to make this issue drag out as long as possible and milk it for all it’s worth, but what the fuck do we know… we ARE only the African Sweatshop after all.

What is happening?

These are some of the news articles over the last few weeks…

Matie's suicide devastates family
Hanged girl found under tree
Man hangs his three children
Teenage girl films her suicide
Mom, sons found hanged
Boy hangs himself in toilet
Man hangs kids, himself
Dad throws kids off bridge

Raped child fighting for her life
Man held for raping six-year-olds
4 arrested for gang-rape of girl, 11
Shocking SA child death stats
More than 25% of Cape schools 'at high risk'
Belgian student tells of gang-rape ordeal

And there there is the whole baby Jordan murder

WHAT IS GOING ON IN OUR SOCIETY? And these are only the ones that made it into the news. I could only find ONE article reporting on someone actually asking questions of the government (DA slams govt over child abuse crisis)

Why is no one making more noise about this?
Why does everyone just get on with their lives as if this doesn’t affect them?

The news will run special report's on the f#@$ing ZUMA trial and BIRD FLU but are completely missing the plot when it comes to issues that REALLY MATTER in our society. Instead of arguing and second-guessing each other over who is going to succeed President Mbeki why not focus on the real future of the country. It doesn’t make a bloody difference who is in charge of the country if there is no one left in it.

Update - even more senseless

Yesterday I wrote about the senseless death of an 11-year-old boy. Further to this I found out that this was in fact a suicide.

WHAATTT - was my immediate reaction. This is an 11-YEAR-OLD we are talking about. And to top it all off... his is the second suicide in his class THIS YEAR.

What thought process happened that made him feel this was the only solution?
Why did NO adults pick up that there was a problem?
Is there something else going on with these kids that NO ONE seems to be aware of?
What... why... WHY

What is going on in the world?
I actually cannot put anything coherent down on this matter… my mind is a complete mess I simply cannot fathom the enormity of this event.

Where is the sense in it all?

I know I have been very quiet over the last week. I have had a fair amount on my mind and have been struggling to find ways to put it all in words… at least any combination of words that would make sense to anyone else.

Yesterday I attended the memorial service for my project managers’ 11-year-old son. This is the second death of a child we have had in the office in the last 2 months. The first was an 11-month-old girl (who had been born with a genetic defect). I don’t know which is worse, although I can’t imagine that I would be able to survive either event with my sanity in tact. Daniel died very suddenly and without any explanations last week. He was a perfectly healthy 11-year-old, joking about upcoming sporting events and being his usual talkative self in class, then gone, for no apparent reason. With baby Kendra they knew it was coming eventually, they knew what to expect and had time to prepare… though I by no means intend that it is ANY easier.

Life is so incredibly fragile, yet every day I see / hear about it being destroyed. The 9-year-old girl in a coma after a brutal attack and rape. A jealous girlfriend who plots the murder of his child. The estimated 12 % of our population (that is in South Africa alone) that is living with AIDS, including an estimated 230,000 children (world wide we are only beaten by Nigeria with + 290,000). And this is only the VERY TIP of the iceberg.

What kind of world are we bringing our children into… what kind of example are we setting? I feel sick to my stomach every time I think about this too long. I look at my children and I wonder whether I am doing the best thing for them staying in this country… but then again, where else would I go (short of camping out on a deserted island for the rest of our lives).

Human being are a terrible specieds. We wage wars over oil and land. We enforce our ideas on others and sanction all those who do not agree. We use up every resource that the earth has provided and when it is all gone we move on to another patch of land while lamenting the beauty we have so senselessly destroyed. At the heart of EVERY religion is a God that teaches love and peace and compassion, in whose name we try and justify the atrocities we unleash on the world.

I have suddenly remembered a quote from one of the Matrix movies that couldn’t be more apt…
“I'd like to share a revelation that I’ve had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species, and I realised that humans are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment; but you humans do not. Instead you multiply, and multiply, until every resource is consumed. The only way for you to survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern... a virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer on this planet, you are a plague…”

We need to slow down and appreciate all the beauty that is around every day. Give the person sitting next to you a hug. Call that friend that you haven’t spoken to in ages because on an insignificant disagreement and tell them that you miss them. We take so much for granted, never knowing what could happen tomorrow, or tonight, or in the next 10 minutes. DO NOT DELAY.

To my children:

I love you both.
For all those times that I have been in a bad mood after work and been short tempered with you I AM SORRY.
For all those times that I didn’t play with you because I was too busy with “more important” things I AM SORRY.
For all those times that I didn’t look at life through your eyes and appreciate the beauty you are discovering I AM SORRY.
I promise to build puzzles with you, to read with you, to colour in with you.
I promise to really listen when you tell me about YOUR day.
I promise that I won’t get upset when you want to wear that pink top with the orange pants.
I have learned that accidents happen (even after I have warned you) and that it is a part of growing up.
I have learned that no matter how much I want to protect you from life I need to let you live it knowing that I have raised you to make the right decisions.
I have learned that no matter how grumpy I have been you are always ready with a hug and a kiss.
I have taken you two completely for granted and I AM SORRY.
I LOVE YOU.

What is the world coming to?

Everywhere I look nowadays, I see/hear something else worth ranting over. I would love to write a full entry on each one of these topics but quite frankly do not have time in my day for this and so will try to limit myself to a paragraph on each. Here goes…

Zuma – a real life soap-opera DISLAIMER: These are my own opinions
It seems that everyone is conveniently overlooking his upcoming corruption trial and he is being warmly invited back into the folds of his political party. Even if the accusation of rape was judged to be false I still find it morally reprehensible that a man will have unprotected sex with a woman he knows is HIV positive. Lets not even get into the fact that she is half his age, that he already has 2 wives and at least 10 children (not including any number of ‘love’ children). And if I have to get started now on the damage he has done in the fight against AIDS in this country, as well as the plight of abused and raped woman I will never get finished.

UK - Mother at 11
I am sure that I am not the only person who finds this absolutely appalling, but what I am even more enraged by is that the article is more concerned about the fact that the UK is setting a new record, and is doing everything short of congratulating the girl. WHERE ARE THE PARENTS in this story?? And why is someone not asking the more important question of why an 11 year old is allowed to go out partying, get drunk and have unprotected sex in the first place.

Someone get Schalk off the radio PLEEEZZ.
If I have to hear those over-scripted, badly executed, sad excuse for an insurance ad once more I will scream. Schalk… those radio adverts of yours could not be more damaging to the image of the game of rugby. All it manages to do is confirm the opinion of many that rugby players do not require any brain cells, or that if they had any they were scrummed out of them years ago. Did no one actually listen to them before they went on air.

100m in 9.76sec (a.k.a. 36.8 km/h)
WOW – that is faster than some cars I have seen on the highways lately and mighty impressive for a human being. “snaps” to Justin Gatlin


And finally… will someone give me a local rugby team worth supporting… Stormers AAII TOG