My mind very seldom slows down (although many would dispute that), and over supper I found myself contemplating the existence of soul mates. This while gnawing down on chicken drumsticks. While eating with my hands my thoughts jumped to a particular friend who refuses to eat with his hands - even burgers and pizza's get the knife and fork treatment. This is someone who I actually have a fair deal in common with, but enough differences to keep me intrigued at the same time.
Then from here my mind made the giant leap to the concept of soul mates (of course). What makes a person a soul mate, is it the things you have in common or the things that are different, or maybe it is a combination of the two? Do soul mates even exist at all or is it all just a figment of our fairy-tail-stimulated-imaginations?
What do you think???? Have you found your soul mate? and if so, HOW do you KNOW that they are the one??? Is there only one perfect person out there for each of us (if any)???
I am by nature a romantic, so I do (or at least used to) believe in the existence of this mythical match, but my experiences over the last 29 years (okay well at least the last 10) makes me doubt this belief slightly. Then I think back to my grandparents who made it to their 52n'd wedding anniversary. Now no-one other than them will ever know if they truly did attain this magical match, but hope they did, and then I have a glimmer of hope that I might find MY match one day...
Showing posts with label Luv Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Luv Life. Show all posts
Monday, November 06, 2006
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
New Discoveries... Meeting the Mother... and taking it as it comes
Meeting the mother.... hmmmmm, yup... I had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Irish on Sat eve IN MY PAJAMA's. Now here is a looooooooong story, but the highlights are as follows:
Irish was heading to my place for a movie and ... On the way he stopped to get take aways at Canal Walk... and then his car (BMW diesel) had a problem with the DDsomething (I'm NOT a car person). So being the good Samaritan type, off I head to assist.
Anyway, to cut this even shorter... we got a call from him mom for him to go help with something, so a quick stop at her house on the way to mine and I have the pleasure of chatting to her in my pj's. Now luckily my pj's are the kind that look somewhat like a nice track pants and t-shirt so I could get away with this.
Anyway, Irish has subsequently informed me (with a slightly shocked expression) that she actually likes me... it appears this is quite an achievement. Just call me the mommy-charmer :)
I seem to have a way with mothers, they all seem to think that I am sweet and innocent and trust their sons with me. Little do they know...
As for a progress report however, we have agreed to just take things as they come, no expectations of a particular outcome.
And now on to the new discoveries.... all thanks to Irish :) and in no particular order as they are all FANTASTIC
discovery no. 1:
ThinkGeek.com every geeks one stop shop for everything from lightsabers, t-shirts, plush toys, games, etc etc etc etc. This has already given me hours of browsing fun, and here is the link to my WishList. I have accumulated items to almost $300 and even though I will probably never ever get round to ordering them it is still a list of my favorite finds.... so far
discovery no. 2:
The Quote Database (aka bash.org)... anyone who has ever been on IRC or mIRC will appreciate this one. It is updated daily by fellow irc'ers with their favorite quotes or snippets of conversations had. Again, HOURS and HOURS of fun. As a start I suggest looking at the latest additions, but be warned... once you start you can't stop
discovery no. 3:
A decent ROCK show on the Radio... about bloody time is all I can say. I had the joy of listening to Barney Simon this week, standing in for the regular Mo G, on the breakfast rock show. All this on Radio 2000 (99.1 or 99.5 FM in Cape Town) of all places. WOW. But be warned... apparently it is between 6 and 9 am, however when I tuned in this morning I was woken by gospel. Now, I have nothing against gospel music... but when I am expecting Nickleback or Prime Cirlce or Parlotones it was a rude shock. They do however seem to continue the rock theme for most of the day as I discovered yesterday when driving home.
Irish was heading to my place for a movie and ... On the way he stopped to get take aways at Canal Walk... and then his car (BMW diesel) had a problem with the DDsomething (I'm NOT a car person). So being the good Samaritan type, off I head to assist.
Anyway, to cut this even shorter... we got a call from him mom for him to go help with something, so a quick stop at her house on the way to mine and I have the pleasure of chatting to her in my pj's. Now luckily my pj's are the kind that look somewhat like a nice track pants and t-shirt so I could get away with this.
Anyway, Irish has subsequently informed me (with a slightly shocked expression) that she actually likes me... it appears this is quite an achievement. Just call me the mommy-charmer :)
I seem to have a way with mothers, they all seem to think that I am sweet and innocent and trust their sons with me. Little do they know...
As for a progress report however, we have agreed to just take things as they come, no expectations of a particular outcome.
And now on to the new discoveries.... all thanks to Irish :) and in no particular order as they are all FANTASTIC
discovery no. 1:
ThinkGeek.com every geeks one stop shop for everything from lightsabers, t-shirts, plush toys, games, etc etc etc etc. This has already given me hours of browsing fun, and here is the link to my WishList. I have accumulated items to almost $300 and even though I will probably never ever get round to ordering them it is still a list of my favorite finds.... so far
discovery no. 2:
The Quote Database (aka bash.org)... anyone who has ever been on IRC or mIRC will appreciate this one. It is updated daily by fellow irc'ers with their favorite quotes or snippets of conversations had. Again, HOURS and HOURS of fun. As a start I suggest looking at the latest additions, but be warned... once you start you can't stop
discovery no. 3:
A decent ROCK show on the Radio... about bloody time is all I can say. I had the joy of listening to Barney Simon this week, standing in for the regular Mo G, on the breakfast rock show. All this on Radio 2000 (99.1 or 99.5 FM in Cape Town) of all places. WOW. But be warned... apparently it is between 6 and 9 am, however when I tuned in this morning I was woken by gospel. Now, I have nothing against gospel music... but when I am expecting Nickleback or Prime Cirlce or Parlotones it was a rude shock. They do however seem to continue the rock theme for most of the day as I discovered yesterday when driving home.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Progress Report
How much to divulge??? Knowing you all you will want every juicy saucy detail... but knowing me you'll know that I won't give it :)
Things with Irish are moving much faster than expected. I am thoroughly enjoying his company and the attention, being made to feel special again for the first time in a long time... and playing truant from work for 3 hours yesterday afternoon was lovely... sushi lunch and eachothers company.
(and I know you can all see the 'but' coming)
BUT here is my dilemma...
am I falling for him?
or am I falling for the attention that I am getting for the first time since my divorce?
and if it is the latter is that necessarily a bad thing?
I keep getting this feeling that I should be keeping my options open... BUT I am not someone who can do that... who can have a "relationship" (whatever that is) with someone and not give it all of my attention... BUT like I said, this is the first man after my ex and maybe I should just enjoy it for what it is and not over analyze things as I always do.
So far we haven't made any commitments to eachother (at least not verbal) and I have come to the conclusion that I will just enjoy the moments with him for what they are... those moments and nothing more.
Things with Irish are moving much faster than expected. I am thoroughly enjoying his company and the attention, being made to feel special again for the first time in a long time... and playing truant from work for 3 hours yesterday afternoon was lovely... sushi lunch and eachothers company.
(and I know you can all see the 'but' coming)
BUT here is my dilemma...
am I falling for him?
or am I falling for the attention that I am getting for the first time since my divorce?
and if it is the latter is that necessarily a bad thing?
I keep getting this feeling that I should be keeping my options open... BUT I am not someone who can do that... who can have a "relationship" (whatever that is) with someone and not give it all of my attention... BUT like I said, this is the first man after my ex and maybe I should just enjoy it for what it is and not over analyze things as I always do.
So far we haven't made any commitments to eachother (at least not verbal) and I have come to the conclusion that I will just enjoy the moments with him for what they are... those moments and nothing more.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Dinner and.... um....
I have never been one to 'kiss and tell', but that statement by itself will hint at the goings on of last night.
Irish (as he will be known from now on) invited me to dinner and a movie at his place. Now considering that I had an office function on during the afternoon followed by drinks, I arrived at his house rather relaxed to start off with.
What a view from his place... over the city bowl and the entire bay, but very definitely a bachelors pad (not that that is a bad thing) going for the minimalist look. Dinner was lovely, accompanied by a bottle of wine and followed by a movie.... well almost. Unfortunately we got a little distracted and I missed most of it :)
I can definitely give him the two thumbs up in the kissing department though, so it seems that prospects are improving with this one :) I did however get home at a reasonable hour (if 11 PM can be considered reasonable on a work night) and am very much looking forward to the next one.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Self destructive patterns
I had an epiphany on the way home today, sparked by a coincidental “non-meeting” – but I will get to that later. I realised that I am stuck in a vicious circle of self destructive behaviour. Maybe behaviour is not the right word… attractions then. Even though the men that I have been attracted to over the years have all been very different they all end up being completely wrong for me on so many levels.
Humans tend to focus on the negative, we all do it unless we have reached a point of consciousness where we can recognise our actions and thoughts as negative and reverse them, but if like me you haven’t, then those negative things in life... the ‘bad’ qualities in people that we would rather steer clear from are the things that are foremost on our minds, but the double edge to that sword is that we also tend to attract the things that we are focused on. The mind is truly a powerful thing… cruel at times, but powerful. So the more we try to find the negative things in people the more we WILL find them, either because we created them by looking for them or because we attracted them to ourselves in the first place.
I have been looking at (well at least thinking of) some of my past relationships tonight all because of a chance sighting. On the way home, driving along my usual route, stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on Eastern Boulevard I looked over to my left and saw someone I hadn’t seen in 9 years. When I was young and naive and let loose on the world at university, he was my first conquest (although I most certainly was not his first – or last for that matter). For a split second I thought, let me see if I can get his attention, maybe we can meet up (and then hook up)… and a split second after that I wanted to slap myself. This is a man that hurt me in ways that took years to heal, who showed me that the world is cruel and dark and unsafe, and that was when, like a bolt of lightning from the blue, I noticed what my mind was doing.
Thinking back on all these men/boys that have defined my relationships up until now I suddenly realise that the ones that were actually decent and gentle and kind are the ones that I always pushed away. The one that would cook me a meal and entertain me for the evening without trying to ‘cop a feel’ afterwards I always shrugged off as boring. The ones who would actually look out for me and stand up for me I would dismiss as old-fashioned.
BUT, the ones that I knew from the onset were nothing but trouble, the ones who were “worldly-wise” (although I am not sure how wise you can really be at 19/20), the smooth talkers who knew exactly what to say and do were the ones I was attracted to. They somehow radiate a sense of confidence of self-assurance, a coolness that is ever so enticing. They are the one night stands, the unreturned phone calls, the compulsive liars, the addictive personalise (both chemical and non), the manipulators and bastards.
Then there are the unavailable ones, the forbidden fruit. These are the ones that play on my mind, where I can drive myself insane without them ever realising that they are at the epicentre of my madness. The men that have already been snagged by woman who have absolutely NO IDEA just how lucky they are. Suddenly I feel like a kid who has been told they are not allowed to have that sweet and is about to throw a temper tantrum to try and get it.
Tonight for the first time my eyes are WIDE OPEN, I am seeing my behaviour for what it is, self destructive. What is done is done and there is nothing that I can say or do to magic it all away as if it never happened. I need to make peace with my past, acknowledge it for what it is (at the very least a learning experience) and put it behind me. As for my present, I need to accept the fact that certain people can only, and will only ever be friends and to cherish those friendships with very special people. My future… well who knows really. I am older and wiser but I have much yet to learn about true love… maybe now I will start opening my mind and attract Mr. Right.
Humans tend to focus on the negative, we all do it unless we have reached a point of consciousness where we can recognise our actions and thoughts as negative and reverse them, but if like me you haven’t, then those negative things in life... the ‘bad’ qualities in people that we would rather steer clear from are the things that are foremost on our minds, but the double edge to that sword is that we also tend to attract the things that we are focused on. The mind is truly a powerful thing… cruel at times, but powerful. So the more we try to find the negative things in people the more we WILL find them, either because we created them by looking for them or because we attracted them to ourselves in the first place.
I have been looking at (well at least thinking of) some of my past relationships tonight all because of a chance sighting. On the way home, driving along my usual route, stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on Eastern Boulevard I looked over to my left and saw someone I hadn’t seen in 9 years. When I was young and naive and let loose on the world at university, he was my first conquest (although I most certainly was not his first – or last for that matter). For a split second I thought, let me see if I can get his attention, maybe we can meet up (and then hook up)… and a split second after that I wanted to slap myself. This is a man that hurt me in ways that took years to heal, who showed me that the world is cruel and dark and unsafe, and that was when, like a bolt of lightning from the blue, I noticed what my mind was doing.
Thinking back on all these men/boys that have defined my relationships up until now I suddenly realise that the ones that were actually decent and gentle and kind are the ones that I always pushed away. The one that would cook me a meal and entertain me for the evening without trying to ‘cop a feel’ afterwards I always shrugged off as boring. The ones who would actually look out for me and stand up for me I would dismiss as old-fashioned.
BUT, the ones that I knew from the onset were nothing but trouble, the ones who were “worldly-wise” (although I am not sure how wise you can really be at 19/20), the smooth talkers who knew exactly what to say and do were the ones I was attracted to. They somehow radiate a sense of confidence of self-assurance, a coolness that is ever so enticing. They are the one night stands, the unreturned phone calls, the compulsive liars, the addictive personalise (both chemical and non), the manipulators and bastards.
Then there are the unavailable ones, the forbidden fruit. These are the ones that play on my mind, where I can drive myself insane without them ever realising that they are at the epicentre of my madness. The men that have already been snagged by woman who have absolutely NO IDEA just how lucky they are. Suddenly I feel like a kid who has been told they are not allowed to have that sweet and is about to throw a temper tantrum to try and get it.
Tonight for the first time my eyes are WIDE OPEN, I am seeing my behaviour for what it is, self destructive. What is done is done and there is nothing that I can say or do to magic it all away as if it never happened. I need to make peace with my past, acknowledge it for what it is (at the very least a learning experience) and put it behind me. As for my present, I need to accept the fact that certain people can only, and will only ever be friends and to cherish those friendships with very special people. My future… well who knows really. I am older and wiser but I have much yet to learn about true love… maybe now I will start opening my mind and attract Mr. Right.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Who are we REALLY??
On the weekend I had a discussion with a fellow blogger (over a cup of decaf Americano) about how we show different faces to different people and situations. How, for example, someone who is completely outgoing and extroverted on their blog can actually be very shy and quiet and melancholy in person. Or how we only show portions of ourselves and all of us have these HUGELY busy lives and things going on that no one ever really finds out about. I have always tried to be as true to myself as possible here, in other words the personality I have here is pretty much how I am (those of you who actually know me are welcome to comment on that one), BUT I will admit that there are large parts of my life that I do not mention here (or at least only hint at), but then again, I don’t talk about these things with anyone in the real world either (bestest bestest friend excluded). However, something momentous is happening in my life at the moment (not necessarily good, but positive in the long run) and I am going to loose my pensive self for the duration of this post and let you all in.
Background (in a nut shell)
My ex-husband is an emotionally manipulative, obsessive compulsive, jealous, control freak. Surprisingly though, when I was married to him I was young and naive in the middle of this and didn’t always see him for what he is, and when I did I would always try and make excuses for him and explain it away. It wasn’t until very near the end of my marriage that I started to really see him for what he is (something that everyone besides myself saw up to that point)… hindsight is 20/20 right? After a long drawn out divorce process of me trying to get us to come to some sort of agreement without getting lawyers involved only for him to change his mind or refuse to sign the papers at the 11th hour, I decided to go ahead with the original summons and just get the divorce. So in the end we parted (in the legal sense) with a basic divorce, visitation (I have custody) and maintenance amount set down. However, the house, which is still registered in both our names, remained as is. I honestly thought we could make this work, even with everyone telling me that all it is doing is giving him an in, a certain level of control over us as he still sees that house as his home.
Over the last 18 months he has slowly embedded himself back in our lives (or attempted to), he honestly thinks he can come and go as he pleases, that we will always be there to welcome him in. He even has the audacity to loose his temper at me if I decided to go with the kids and he comes around and we aren’t there. He insists on buying flowers (which he knows ends up in the bin) and gifts and offers of weekends away (if he had put in half this effort when we were married things may have turned out differently – well MAYBE), even after I turn down every single offer and tell him for the 100th time to drop the pseudo-family friendly-friendly bulls$!t. Whenever he finds himself backed into a corner there is one of two cards that get played… either the “woe is me, you only want everything, well then… take it all I don’t care” scenario gets played out OR the “I’m depressed and if I can’t see the kids everyday then I don’t want to see them at all, I’m going to work overseas or kill myself” scene. On the rare occasion, both – last night being case in point.
Growing up
I am, and have always been, the kind of person who tries to make sure that EVERYONE is happy. Putting everyone else’s feelings before my own, heaven forbid I should cause someone to be upset or hurt by something that I have said or done. Over the last year however I have made peace with everything that happened between us and am making a concerted effort to move forward with my life. And one of the big changes that comes with that is the realization that I need to come first sometimes, particularly when it comes to ‘HIM’. I have wasted far too much time and energy already trying to make sure I don’t ‘hurt’ him (can you believe it after all that he has put me through). I no longer allow myself to be manipulated by him.
LAST NIGHT
After yet another weekday visit which results in him staying for dinner, he phones me later in the evening going on about “family” trips away to Natures Valley at which point something in me snapped… a switch was suddenly flicked and the doormat that was… is no more. I am sick and tired of sugarcoating everything I say to him, and so laid out the law in no uncertain terms. NO weekends away are EVER going to happen. All gifts/flowers/choc/etc will end up in the bin. The happy-family crap is going to stop NOW. He needs to get out of his self-absorbed, self-centered little world and acknowledge and accept the part the HE played in the breakup of our marriage. And True to form, he pulled both ace cards out his sleeve. “You take everything and I am never seeing the kids again”. Now, I am not a bitch in any form, and as much as I am really tempted to do just that, I cannot and will not. I have never had any intention of keeping the kids from him or “taking him to the cleaners” leaving him with nothing. Although it is really tempting right now.
He no longer has any control over our lives.
I need to get hold of a property lawyer and figure out how much it will cost to buy him out of the house (and if I cannot afford to then it will be going on the market).
So, even though I am fluctuating between laughing/shouting for joy and crying/breaking down in a heap on the mat… I know that all this IS A GOOD THING. I am stronger for it and will come out on top in the end.
Who ever said life would be easy
Background (in a nut shell)
My ex-husband is an emotionally manipulative, obsessive compulsive, jealous, control freak. Surprisingly though, when I was married to him I was young and naive in the middle of this and didn’t always see him for what he is, and when I did I would always try and make excuses for him and explain it away. It wasn’t until very near the end of my marriage that I started to really see him for what he is (something that everyone besides myself saw up to that point)… hindsight is 20/20 right? After a long drawn out divorce process of me trying to get us to come to some sort of agreement without getting lawyers involved only for him to change his mind or refuse to sign the papers at the 11th hour, I decided to go ahead with the original summons and just get the divorce. So in the end we parted (in the legal sense) with a basic divorce, visitation (I have custody) and maintenance amount set down. However, the house, which is still registered in both our names, remained as is. I honestly thought we could make this work, even with everyone telling me that all it is doing is giving him an in, a certain level of control over us as he still sees that house as his home.
Over the last 18 months he has slowly embedded himself back in our lives (or attempted to), he honestly thinks he can come and go as he pleases, that we will always be there to welcome him in. He even has the audacity to loose his temper at me if I decided to go with the kids and he comes around and we aren’t there. He insists on buying flowers (which he knows ends up in the bin) and gifts and offers of weekends away (if he had put in half this effort when we were married things may have turned out differently – well MAYBE), even after I turn down every single offer and tell him for the 100th time to drop the pseudo-family friendly-friendly bulls$!t. Whenever he finds himself backed into a corner there is one of two cards that get played… either the “woe is me, you only want everything, well then… take it all I don’t care” scenario gets played out OR the “I’m depressed and if I can’t see the kids everyday then I don’t want to see them at all, I’m going to work overseas or kill myself” scene. On the rare occasion, both – last night being case in point.
Growing up
I am, and have always been, the kind of person who tries to make sure that EVERYONE is happy. Putting everyone else’s feelings before my own, heaven forbid I should cause someone to be upset or hurt by something that I have said or done. Over the last year however I have made peace with everything that happened between us and am making a concerted effort to move forward with my life. And one of the big changes that comes with that is the realization that I need to come first sometimes, particularly when it comes to ‘HIM’. I have wasted far too much time and energy already trying to make sure I don’t ‘hurt’ him (can you believe it after all that he has put me through). I no longer allow myself to be manipulated by him.
LAST NIGHT
After yet another weekday visit which results in him staying for dinner, he phones me later in the evening going on about “family” trips away to Natures Valley at which point something in me snapped… a switch was suddenly flicked and the doormat that was… is no more. I am sick and tired of sugarcoating everything I say to him, and so laid out the law in no uncertain terms. NO weekends away are EVER going to happen. All gifts/flowers/choc/etc will end up in the bin. The happy-family crap is going to stop NOW. He needs to get out of his self-absorbed, self-centered little world and acknowledge and accept the part the HE played in the breakup of our marriage. And True to form, he pulled both ace cards out his sleeve. “You take everything and I am never seeing the kids again”. Now, I am not a bitch in any form, and as much as I am really tempted to do just that, I cannot and will not. I have never had any intention of keeping the kids from him or “taking him to the cleaners” leaving him with nothing. Although it is really tempting right now.
He no longer has any control over our lives.
I need to get hold of a property lawyer and figure out how much it will cost to buy him out of the house (and if I cannot afford to then it will be going on the market).
So, even though I am fluctuating between laughing/shouting for joy and crying/breaking down in a heap on the mat… I know that all this IS A GOOD THING. I am stronger for it and will come out on top in the end.
Who ever said life would be easy
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Updates...
Update 1: Weight...
Another kilo down, which makes it a grand total of 3kg's in 3 weeks. At this rate I might just be at my goal by my birthday (here's holding thumbs)
Update 2: Cars...
I took the Toyota Yaris Sedan for a test drive over the weekend. VERY VERY NICE. AND they offered me more for a trade in on my Hyndai than the Hyundai dealership offered (without knowing the previous quote). Still want to have a look at one or two more before I make my final desision though.
Update 3: Online dating...
Well... what to say... every now and then one or two prospects come up, but so far nothing promising. Seriously thinking of updating my profile with messages like "NON-NEGOTIABLE means NON_NEGOTIABLE" & "If you are still legally married F@#K OFF" & "If you know you are not going to send more than one or two one-liners, then don't bother making contact in the first place."
Another kilo down, which makes it a grand total of 3kg's in 3 weeks. At this rate I might just be at my goal by my birthday (here's holding thumbs)
Update 2: Cars...
I took the Toyota Yaris Sedan for a test drive over the weekend. VERY VERY NICE. AND they offered me more for a trade in on my Hyndai than the Hyundai dealership offered (without knowing the previous quote). Still want to have a look at one or two more before I make my final desision though.
Update 3: Online dating...
Well... what to say... every now and then one or two prospects come up, but so far nothing promising. Seriously thinking of updating my profile with messages like "NON-NEGOTIABLE means NON_NEGOTIABLE" & "If you are still legally married F@#K OFF" & "If you know you are not going to send more than one or two one-liners, then don't bother making contact in the first place."
Friday, July 14, 2006
A healthy dose of rejection….
Over the last 2 weeks or so, after I took the ‘brave’ step out onto the e-dating circuit, I have been given a good lesson in humility and treated to many forms of rejection. Not that either was unfamiliar to me to start off with. Humility and humbleness have always been sown into the fabric of my being, I find it very difficult to ‘sell’ myself as I always, in everything I do, underestimate myself (or so I have been told by friends a colleagues alike). This is something I have been working on for the last year or two and have definitely taken giant leaps forward. I fill out all the forms describing myself as honestly as I can, fill out more forms describing the type of person I am looking for and then off we go on the merry hunt. One of the things this ‘site’ does is match up you criteria and descriptions with others to find the ‘perfect match’.
So, after perusing my matches I picked a few that really stood out for me and sent off those ever-dubious first contact messages. So far I have sent out 7 of these with the following outcomes…
3 - made idle chitchat for a few messages and then just stopped
2 - one or two messages followed with the statement “thanks for contacting but I need to carry on looking for that someone special” – oh but this did wonders for the self esteem
2 - simply ignored me completely (now, what is up THAT)
Then I realized that there are 4 types of people on this site (at least that I have encountered so far)
- Too May Any – These are the ones that are completely vague about what they are looking for marking every single characteristic from location to age to current relationship status as ‘any’ resulting in a 100% match with the entire population. They are mostly harmless, but as far as I am concerned a complete waste of time and space.
- Specifically Ignorant – This is a very interesting group. They are almost overly specific about their requirements, however when they actually meet one, they somehow come to the conclusion that that person is in fact NOT what they are looking for. Basically, they don’t really know what they want, but have this image of the perfect person (that doesn’t actually exist) and are in the never-ending pursuit thereof.
- Honest creeps – These are oddly enough the most harmless of the lot as they are the easiest to spot. They are complete honest about the fact they are either swingers, married and looking for a little something on the side, or downright sexaholics.
- Innocent Friendlies – These are the ones that are actually prepared to communicate with you and get to know you a little bit, however they lack that certain spark (for me at least). They generally initiate communication. Generally very mild mannered and gentle people. This might be where my problem is… I am notoriously attracted to ‘bad-boys’ and smooth-talkers.
All this is truly NO GOOD for an already battered and bruised self-confidence. But then again, maybe all that is just the pessimist in me talking :) So for now I shall continue in my pursuit of the ‘perfect person’, or at least one that thinks I might be, remembering that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (only maiming you in the process).
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Getting Feet Wet
I have taken a little leap of faith (and those who know me will know why I say it that way). Recently I have posted an “ad” on a dating site. Actually I first created it last year sometime but very quickly got disillusioned by the whole affair after discovering that a lot of people really are not all they make out to be (particularly behind the safety of a computer screen), and subsequently hid my profile just to get away from the constant barrage of e-mails and contacts from married 67 year old men from Piketburg. Since then I have started to fine tune my instincts about people and decided to reactivate my profile and take out a 3 month subscription (you cannot actually communicate with anyone if you don’t have a subscription) and get my feet wet, test the waters and see what is out there one last time.
So far so good.
It has been a few weeks and I have made contact with a few people who, at this early stage in the game, seem to be really decent men. However it is early days yet and the pessimist in me says that it is bound to go wrong at some point… but I am learning to silence that little voice (by force when necessary). For right now I am getting to know a few people that I would otherwise never have met, and for what that is, it is great. If anything more happens, terrific, but that is a LONG WAY OFF yet.
One thing that I have noticed is the amount of divorced people out there. Maybe it is just me noticing these things more nowadays (like Michelle and her landies), but at least every second profile that I read the person has put down divorced as their current status. Which gets me thinking… what is the difference between divorced and single other than a state of mind (I have mine listed as divorced as well). Now there is something I can mull over for the day.
And before any of you ask… NO I will not tell you where or what the profile name is. I will keep you posted on progress :)
So far so good.
It has been a few weeks and I have made contact with a few people who, at this early stage in the game, seem to be really decent men. However it is early days yet and the pessimist in me says that it is bound to go wrong at some point… but I am learning to silence that little voice (by force when necessary). For right now I am getting to know a few people that I would otherwise never have met, and for what that is, it is great. If anything more happens, terrific, but that is a LONG WAY OFF yet.
One thing that I have noticed is the amount of divorced people out there. Maybe it is just me noticing these things more nowadays (like Michelle and her landies), but at least every second profile that I read the person has put down divorced as their current status. Which gets me thinking… what is the difference between divorced and single other than a state of mind (I have mine listed as divorced as well). Now there is something I can mull over for the day.
And before any of you ask… NO I will not tell you where or what the profile name is. I will keep you posted on progress :)
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Dating prospects
A topic I am hoping to get some comment on.
Being single now for 16 months, I have found myself asking the question... Where/How does one safely meeting men????
I also happened to stumble upon this article "10 reasons to date a single mom" and am not sure whether to be over the moon with joy that someone finally recognizes the positive OR completely incensed at the reasons they found. Granted, reasons 1 and 2 are absolutely spot on (at least in my humble opinion) but that still only leaves us with a 20% hit rate. WHERE DID THEY GET THIS DRIVEL. I certainly do not want to be dated for those reasons, and quite honestly find reason 3 "Juggling parenting and a job keeps her busy – too busy to check up on your movements or start baying at the moon if you don't call." an insult to all NON-Mother singles.
Then on the other hand... a very dear friend of mine sent me the following e-mail this morning the names and numbers have been removed to protect the innocent...
I found a flyer on my car which may be of interest to you:
Ch***M***, Personal Matchmaking, you have nothing to lose.
Be young, be old, be poor be rich BUT DON'T BE LONELY
Let us help you find companionship & meaning.
999 9999 where fulfillment matters.
There will probably be money involved but I thought you may be interested!
Well, there it is then.
Let's sum up my options
Being single now for 16 months, I have found myself asking the question... Where/How does one safely meeting men????
I also happened to stumble upon this article "10 reasons to date a single mom" and am not sure whether to be over the moon with joy that someone finally recognizes the positive OR completely incensed at the reasons they found. Granted, reasons 1 and 2 are absolutely spot on (at least in my humble opinion) but that still only leaves us with a 20% hit rate. WHERE DID THEY GET THIS DRIVEL. I certainly do not want to be dated for those reasons, and quite honestly find reason 3 "Juggling parenting and a job keeps her busy – too busy to check up on your movements or start baying at the moon if you don't call." an insult to all NON-Mother singles.
Then on the other hand... a very dear friend of mine sent me the following e-mail this morning the names and numbers have been removed to protect the innocent...
I found a flyer on my car which may be of interest to you:
Ch***M***, Personal Matchmaking, you have nothing to lose.
Be young, be old, be poor be rich BUT DON'T BE LONELY
Let us help you find companionship & meaning.
999 9999 where fulfillment matters.
There will probably be money involved but I thought you may be interested!
Well, there it is then.
Let's sum up my options
- Clubbing/Pubbing - something that I never enjoyed as a means of meeting people anyway, somehow the prospect of shouting at people of loud music and through a haze of cigarette smoke doesn't appeal
- Internet Dating - This is how I met my ex-husband. Now we all know how that ended... don't think I'll be doing that again soon
- Dating Services - And however appealing that advert sounds, I don't think so... not that desperate yet
- Social gatherings - Single mom, 2 small kids, WHEN AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE TIME FOR THIS
- Work/Office - Now there are a few options, only problem being that most of them are spoken for already, and then there is the whole "mixing work and pleasure" thing and what happens when the whole affair turns sour (no pun intended)
You know what, that dating service doesn't sound that bad.... what was the number again
:)
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