the power of music... and response to anon...

Okay this is the hundredth time I am attempting to post this... blogger has been going into seizures since yesterday morning and keeps LOOSING my entries and comments.... AARRGGGGGGG. So here is the post that made it's first appearance yesterday.

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This morning, getting into my car I found that there was very little decent music to listen to on the radio (as usual) and turned on my cd player. I had completely forgotten what was in at the time and was greeted by the following... Evolver: Stronger.

Music has always had a profound role in my life... there is almost never a time when there isn't something playing... like a soundtrack to my life. But the lyrics of this particular song were somehow just what I needed to hear this morning.

i see you there,
lying down when you should be getting up,
you in despair, all alone just take a stand,
you'll be alright.

all this time,
you found a way how to mend a broken heart,
look around and you will see the friends you got,
you not alone, no.

it gets stronger,
every little thing you do is bolder,
if you feel like crying, here’s my shoulder,
i aint afraid.

i see you high,
in the clouds don't care what the people shout,
you moving on with your life just take my hand,
we'll make it right.

looking back,
you wonder how you found the strength to carry on,
you needed time to make it right in your mind,
you are home... home

it gets stronger,
every little thing you do is bolder,
if you feel like crying, here’s my shoulder,
i aint afraid. i aint afraid.

I just wanted to share that with you all.





And to the anonymous commenter from last night on my post "A night to remember...", I have been trying to respond all morning, but blogger seems to have gone into shock and is refusing to update the comments... so here it is....

anon HMMMMMM I don't even know where to start in response to that.
Firstly, I love my kids more than you or anyone else could ever know and I am NEVER EVER EVER negative about their dad in front of them.

This blog is a place for me to vent and to talk and to blow off steam ANONYMOUSLY. Only a small handful of people here actually know who I am... and I have never used real names when referring to anyone.

As for Mr Irish... I do have peace in myself, but what is wrong with being with someone just for the sake of being with them... I have never had grand ideas of where this 'fling' is going. I am not looking for anything serious right now, he knows that, and we are both happy with where this is. As for a different type of man to love me for who I am and treat me the way I want to be treated... who ISN'T looking for that.

Friends... man, how pathetic do you think I am? Of course I phoned to find out what they were up to... and I do organise braai's etc. That was one particular night that I felt like going out and letting my hair down and unfortunately for me it was a last minute decision and everyone was busy.

Why the hell and I justifying myself to you, but you know what... keep your fingers crossed regarding the hunky locksmith :)

P.S. I must admit you have intrigued me... the fact that a complete stranger has taken any interest in my life based on my insane ramblings here :)

Please feel free to e-mail me and we can continue this discussion… InsanelySingle at gmail dot com

A night to remember... Fatal blogging mistake... And the EX from HELL

WOW, WOW, WOW, Incredible, Fantastic, Spectacular... Last night was in a word... AMAZING.

This is the third time I have had the pleasure of seeing LIVE in concert in Cape Town and each time they get better and better - as does the crowd. I went with Ms C and met up with her sister and BIL. We also tracked down Adumski & Samwise and a few of their friends (A... You are off the proverbial hook for now). Later Yummy-D was spotted (although that is not a difficult thing as this 6'4" person stands out in the crowd a little) with L2.

It was an evening of incredible music and much dancing, singing (shouting) and FUN. The Parlotones were the opening act for the evening and they were also SUPERB... they had the crowd up and on their feet from the very first song and what followed was 4 hours of ROCK. YEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. Needless to say my feet and voice are suffering a little this morning... but it was WELL WORTH IT.

Irish was there aswell although he had managed to secure golden circle tickets with a backstage pass through a friend (proving again that it is WHO you know not WHAT you know that counts), and HERE lies my fatal blogging mistake. Not long after I met him I, in a moment of madness, told him about my blog. This has meant that I have been censoring my entries concerning him a little... but not any more.

IRISH... if you are reading this... please be warned that this is a place for me to vent anonymously and let off steam when needed... so keep that in mind when reading any future entries... better yet... stop reading them.

And now for the slimy, manipulative, bastard ex from hell.

Last week I told him about the fact that I had met someone... and that is all I told him. This then sent him into a 5 day sulk from which he emerged last night. Seeing as I was going out for the evening, he came to babysit the kids and in the 20 minutes that I was at home for a quick change out of work attire and freshening up to go out he cornered me and continued to profess his undying love for me.

AARRRGGGGGG, does this bastard just not get it. When we were married he was never around... when we were separated he couldn't give a flying fuck about trying to fix things... now, almost 2 years after we were divorced, after I have made peace with the fact that it is over and am no longer angry/depressed/sad, after I have moved on and a statement like that simply has NO MORE EFFECT ON ME... he has the audacity to tell me that he has never loved me as much as he does now, and how he can't live without me, and then fucking tries to kiss me. KISS ME.... it was all I could do not to bitch-slap him. He is a leach.... no... worse than that... he is a microbe that lives in the slimy scum of a leach.

For the sake of the kids I have been trying to keep a friendship going between him and I, but I simply cannot do this anymore. My life is complicated enough, and it is time to start removing some of these complications. I foresee all the locks at home being replaced very very soon, and all kid exchanges happening in public venues from now on. He is still their father and I will have to put up with him at all school events and important day's in their lives... but I will no longer tolerate him in MY home.

LIVE in Concert TONIGHT

7 hours and counting

Taste is all relative

Someone asked me recently about my CD collection and what type of music I like. I have a very varied taste in music; basically it includes everything except Rap and Country (and even in these 2 categories there are a few that I will listen to). So, what I decided is to put my music player on random and cycle through the 1500 songs I have. Below I will list the artist, title and first line (as I hear them) of the first 15 songs that come on - might give a little insight into the chaos that is my mind.

1) Nirvana – Lake of Fire – Where do bad folks go where they die…
2) Kill ‘em all – Seek and Destroy – Scanning the scene in the city tonight, looking for you to start up a fight…
3) Seether – Broken – I wanted you to know, I love the way you laugh…
4) Linkin Park – Faint – I am a little bit of loneliness little bit of disregard…
5) Audioslave – Yesterday To Tomorrow – Beauty is what eyes behold…
6) Live – All over you – Our love is like water…
7) Maroon 5 – The sun – After school, walking home, fresh dirt under my fingernails…

At which point window media player “encountered a problem” and had to be restarted…

8) Savage Garden – Affirmation – I believe the sun should never set upon an argument…
9) Coldplay – Talk - Oh brother I can’t, I can’t get through…
10) James – Laid – This bed is on fire with passionate love…
11) Live – Take my anthem – War in me, war overseas, aint no difference between…
12) Robbie Williams – Karma Killer – Are you cut-up, or do you easily forget…
13) Metallica – Carpe Diem Baby - Hit dirt, shake tree, split sky, part sea…
14) Dido – Take my hand – Touch my skin and tell me what you’re thinking…
15) Eric Clapton – Wonderful tonight - It’s late in the evening, she’s wondering what clothes to wear…

Actually that might explain quite a lot… and Kyk, thanks for the inspiration.

Wacky Weekend (in no particular order)

My Saturday evening was spent at Hanover Street at Grand West to see Scarlet Box, Evolver and Prime Circle live… WOW, Amazing, Incredible. I have been a Prime Circle fan for a while now, having first seen them perform when they were the opening act for Live, then again at the Coca-Cola Collab Massive Mix (a.k.a. METALLICA) concert in Cape Town. They are definitely one of S.A.’s foremost Rock bands. They never fail to entertain the crowds, and Saturday was no exception. It was also the first time that I have had the opportunity to see Evolver perform live and boy was it worth it. Their re-make of ‘play that funky music WHIITEE BOOOYYYY’ was awesome. Most people will recognize their hit ‘Let’s get naked’ if they hear it. I will definitely be looking out to see when they are performing in Cape Town again. All in all an INCREDIBLE evening.

This was without a doubt the highlight of my weekend, and seeing as the kids were with dad it didn’t matter that I crawled into bed at 2AM because I could sleep as late as I wanted anyway, which turned out to be 10:30AM. I then had to get up and try to get myself into a reasonable state before fetching the kids and heading off to a friends braai… the invite said ‘come rain, or snow’ we will be braai-ing… and would you know it, we had both. Well snow on the out-of-town mountains, but being true South Africa Manna they stood in the rain and continued with (what Katt has now coined) the meat-tanning session.

Here follow the 2 low points of my weekend…

No.1 – an ever more jealous ex-husband. Yes I said ex, why he thinks he has any right to be jealous is beyond me. And I am not even seeing anyone yet. I don’t know what has got into this man (and I use that term very loosely) lately. I am obviously sending out signals that I am (and have) moved on because he is using every available opportunity to question me about my whereabouts. What gives him the right to ask me questions about where I am going and whom I am going with? And to top it all off, he actually has the audacity to phone me on Saturday morning to check if I am alone, and not even subtly, he blatantly came out and asked me (WHAT THE F&*K). It is truly beyond me.

No. 2 – an impending wardrobe malfunction… well maybe not wardrobe. A couple of years ago I lost 20kg’s (it was needed after giving birth to my second child) and in the process I weeded out all the old clothes that I vowed I would never need again. In the meantime I also decided to give up smoking and have subsequently put at least half of that weight back on. I am now stuck with a wardrobe FULL of clothes that don’t fit me… AARRRGGGGG. I am determined not to go out and buy a whole new set of clothes as I WILL loose this weight (I will, I will, I will, I will). What I have decided is to give me the motivation I would report back here once a week on the progress…. That way I will have you lot on my case if it goes in the wrong direction (that is of course assuming that any of you actually give a shit about this – but at least I will have it on my conscience that it is out there in the land of the public blog for any and all to view). So on the right of the page (below my weekly glittery/blinky thing) will be a record of my progress. It will be set to 0kg’s and 0cm’s today and each Monday morning I will increment it by the amount of weight or centimeters lost in the last week (i.e. positive number means x kg’s lost) Let’s hope this works, if next week you see that it has disappeared completely you will know that it has all gone pear-shaped (literally)