Life seems to be taking a turn for the better recently, things are just falling into place, the gods are smiling upon me, and the roses are in bloom.
Since the last altercation with BEFH he has left us alone... finally... and all is well with the world (well at least my little one). My immediate concerns were what about my holiday (I really really don't want to cancel), where will the kids go? What about the house (he and I are both the registered owners - i.e. he still owns half of MY house)? What about my sanity? What about the funds to sort out the previous issues (house and holiday)? But you know what... it is all taken care of.
So here are the updates:
The Little'uns - will be going to my folks for the two weeks that I am away. My mom was meant to be working for the first of the two but has told the powers that be (and there aren't many as she is one of the directors) that she will be available from home for the first week and on leave in the second. The kids love staying there and are already getting excited at the prospects of two whole weeks of being spoilt rotten.
The House - I started making inquiries with a lawyer about 2 months ago about what we need to do to get the house transferred solely into my name, and yesterday I fetched the papers from him that will allow this to happen. This did mean that I had to make contact with BEFH as he needs to sign some of the paperwork, but he isn't putting up a fuss about it (seems to have gotten the hint). This does however mean that I need to pay transfer costs on half the property value, which brings me nicely to my next point.
The Money - At first I thought that I would have to take out a loan to pay the costs for the house (there is no bond registered so wouldn't be able to dig into those funds) and was heading out to the bank today to talk to the manager about getting a personal loan. I also have an investment account with funds that I had saved up over the years, however I didn't think that there was enough there to cover even half the amount I needed and that I was intending to use for my holiday accommodation and spending money. I decided to stop on the way and check... just for good measure... and guess what, I have enough there to cover the transfer and all the peripheral costs involved and have enough to spare for my holiday. I'M OVER THE MOON
and lastly... The Holiday - EVERYTHING is done... all that is left to do is for me to get on the plane. The tickets are booked and paid for, the hotels are booked, the visa's are all sorted and back with me... now just to wait the last few days till I get on the plane and head off into the wild blue yonder.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Pirate for a night
Friday night was our company's last ever year end function, as of 30 November we will no longer exist... small fish having been bought out by big fish, really B.I.G. fish. Anyway, being (currently) in the shipping industry the theme for the evening was imaginatively decided to be that of a Pirate Evening.
The venue was spetacularly decked out with black trimmings, tents, table cloths, silver place settings and candelabra's, what I can only assume was cottonwool threads made to look like cobwebs, eye-patches and gold and silver 'coins' on the tables, little rubber skeletons and bandana caps. Outside was a photographer set up to snap up pictures of all the happy couples in a lovely setting of treasure chests filled with coins and crowns (all plastic of course, not that that stopped people from walking out with most, if not all, of the evenings props). I arrived promptly at 6:45.. not the first, thank god, and was welcomed by delicious fruit-punch and rum (of course) cocktails. Slowly more and more people started trickling in until our numbers must have reached around 200 bodies, including Adumski and Yummy D, most with their partners (except for the three of us and a few others).
After everyone was seated the speeches started, including a video presentation of interviews and 'behind the scenes' goings on from within the company over the last 30-odd years that we have been in existence (can you believe there are a small handfuls of people who have been with the company since the year I was born and before). The drinks kept coming, for me white wine and cocktails - the kids were with their granny for the evening and I didn't have to hurry home - and then the food, which was unfortunately the lowlight of the evening.
The starters included a few pieces of greenery with a drizzle of roasted pepper, a few slices of feta and 5 (exactly 5) olives on every plate. Mains were a choice of half a chicken breast (cut in 5 slivers) with some rice and a small helping of veggies OR 2 cubes of sirloin with a spoonful of stirfry veggies. Dessert was something masquerading as a cheese cake. And then the music started.. I haven't been bombarded with that much 80's music since I attended my last wedding, but then again I am one of the youngest people in the company and this was right up everyone else's alley... and it was actually a BLAST. Seeing our MD on the dance floor (on of the first people up there as usual) bopping away with everyone else is a sight that I will call upon in memory whenever I need to smile.
I am normally very self conscious and almost uncomfortable in my own skin when it comes to being on a dance floor with everyone watching, but I threw caution to the wind and took the floor with Adumski to join the rest of our friends. I know, an odd word to use for colleagues, but that is the nature of the spirit we have in our company, everyone gets along and we have sooooo many CHARACTERS that every day and every event is always made enjoyable by them, and I have become friendly with many of my colleagues. And so we danced the night away.
The highlight of the evening was certainly sitting outside with Adumski and a few drinks and each of us with a crown (liberated from the photographers set props) on our heads, watching other people and how people change when they have a few drinks in them, with some of the most quiet placid people suddenly becoming boisterous and outgoing. We sat there chatting till we were LITERALLY the LAST two people to leave at 1:40AM.
The rest of the weekend started when I woke up at 7AM (damned that internal body clock) and then managed to coax myself back to sleep for another 2 hours before crawling out of bed around 9AM to fetch the kids and head off to the second booking of the weekend. My son's school carnival, which he has been looking forward to for weeks. The afternoon was spent relaxing on the couch and trying to find some energy for the evening poitjie at a friends house... now for those NON-SouthAfrican readers out there a poitjie is like a stew (normally mutton or beef, but in this case ox-tail) with everything thrown into a single pot on a fire and coals, and then left to simmer for most of the afternoon. It was a lovely evening, the kids thoroughly enjoyed it and my boy fell asleep on my lap after he had run off all his energy. All in all.. a lovely weekend.
The venue was spetacularly decked out with black trimmings, tents, table cloths, silver place settings and candelabra's, what I can only assume was cottonwool threads made to look like cobwebs, eye-patches and gold and silver 'coins' on the tables, little rubber skeletons and bandana caps. Outside was a photographer set up to snap up pictures of all the happy couples in a lovely setting of treasure chests filled with coins and crowns (all plastic of course, not that that stopped people from walking out with most, if not all, of the evenings props). I arrived promptly at 6:45.. not the first, thank god, and was welcomed by delicious fruit-punch and rum (of course) cocktails. Slowly more and more people started trickling in until our numbers must have reached around 200 bodies, including Adumski and Yummy D, most with their partners (except for the three of us and a few others).
After everyone was seated the speeches started, including a video presentation of interviews and 'behind the scenes' goings on from within the company over the last 30-odd years that we have been in existence (can you believe there are a small handfuls of people who have been with the company since the year I was born and before). The drinks kept coming, for me white wine and cocktails - the kids were with their granny for the evening and I didn't have to hurry home - and then the food, which was unfortunately the lowlight of the evening.
The starters included a few pieces of greenery with a drizzle of roasted pepper, a few slices of feta and 5 (exactly 5) olives on every plate. Mains were a choice of half a chicken breast (cut in 5 slivers) with some rice and a small helping of veggies OR 2 cubes of sirloin with a spoonful of stirfry veggies. Dessert was something masquerading as a cheese cake. And then the music started.. I haven't been bombarded with that much 80's music since I attended my last wedding, but then again I am one of the youngest people in the company and this was right up everyone else's alley... and it was actually a BLAST. Seeing our MD on the dance floor (on of the first people up there as usual) bopping away with everyone else is a sight that I will call upon in memory whenever I need to smile.
I am normally very self conscious and almost uncomfortable in my own skin when it comes to being on a dance floor with everyone watching, but I threw caution to the wind and took the floor with Adumski to join the rest of our friends. I know, an odd word to use for colleagues, but that is the nature of the spirit we have in our company, everyone gets along and we have sooooo many CHARACTERS that every day and every event is always made enjoyable by them, and I have become friendly with many of my colleagues. And so we danced the night away.
The highlight of the evening was certainly sitting outside with Adumski and a few drinks and each of us with a crown (liberated from the photographers set props) on our heads, watching other people and how people change when they have a few drinks in them, with some of the most quiet placid people suddenly becoming boisterous and outgoing. We sat there chatting till we were LITERALLY the LAST two people to leave at 1:40AM.
The rest of the weekend started when I woke up at 7AM (damned that internal body clock) and then managed to coax myself back to sleep for another 2 hours before crawling out of bed around 9AM to fetch the kids and head off to the second booking of the weekend. My son's school carnival, which he has been looking forward to for weeks. The afternoon was spent relaxing on the couch and trying to find some energy for the evening poitjie at a friends house... now for those NON-SouthAfrican readers out there a poitjie is like a stew (normally mutton or beef, but in this case ox-tail) with everything thrown into a single pot on a fire and coals, and then left to simmer for most of the afternoon. It was a lovely evening, the kids thoroughly enjoyed it and my boy fell asleep on my lap after he had run off all his energy. All in all.. a lovely weekend.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Taking a tumble... and drama, drama, drama
On Monday night I had a once in a lifetime experience (and no, that is not necessarily a good thing... just something I'll probably NEVER EVER do again). I went speed dating... yes you read that correctly... S.P.E.E.D. dating. The evening was immense fun, but that is purely due to the fact that I went with 3 girl-friends. The four of us are all single and thought this would, at the very least, be a fun experience.
ANYWAY, we arrived at the venue about 15 minutes early (as requested by the organisers) and got ourselves some drinks (mostly to settle the nerves) , all the while being eyed out by the 'men' sitting at the bar... these are the same 'men' we were to be dating shortly afterwards. All the ladies (all 11 of us) were seated one per table armed with a pen and paper. The men (all 6 of them) arrive taking up their positions and the evenings events are explained. We get 3 minutes in total to talk to eachother before the men are ushered on and moved to the next table. Only 3 minutes you say, for most of them we managed to fill that time easily, but when you are confronted with someone who answers every question in one-word-answers then those 3 minutes feel like a lifetime.
As you may have guessed there were NO real prospects, well at least not for us, I hope that some of the other woman there managed to find someone that they would like to see again, but for the 4 of us... NOT A CHANCE. The 1 hour worth of 'dating' was then followed by a meal (lamb and fillet and chicken skewers with veggies and potato wedges... followed by a delicious chocolate fondue). However, when you are flirting more with the waiters than the prospective dates you know the evening aint going well.
The highlight (or lowlight as it may be) was my glorious tumble down a flight of stairs... luckily no-one was there to witness the spectacular feat. This happened on one of my bathroom trips and while I was stone-cold sober. As I started down the stairs I managed 2 steps and as I took the third my heel BROKE... my favorite pair of shoes... BROKEN. So now I have some lovely reminders of the evening, a ginormous bruise on my hip and knee and a twisted ankle.
As for the DRAMA... which seems to be the trend in my entries lately... the BEFH has now completely gone over the edge. I will not divulge the details here but he definitely needs help. He has hit absolute rock bottom, and I am convinced he is trying to pull me down with him. There is nothing more that I can do... I am exhausted, done, finished. I can and will no longer be made to feel responsible for him (and by that I mean responsible for finding him help). I had a chat with his mother now and have filled her in as much as I can and told her that she now needs to sort her son out. After the latest incident I no longer WANT him around me or my children (even though he has once again done the "I don't/won't see them again" thing).
I know I never asked for this (or otherwise I am being punished for something I did in a past life). At least this time round I am not doing this alone and was on the phone with my mom again tonight. I really don't know what it had to come to this for me to realise that I always had her there for me, but I never asked before.
And to top all of this off, we had clients/colleagues down from Copenhagen for the last 3 days, which has required me to be bright and perky and alert for meeting after meeting after meeting.
Right now I need sleep, so that is it from me for now.
ANYWAY, we arrived at the venue about 15 minutes early (as requested by the organisers) and got ourselves some drinks (mostly to settle the nerves) , all the while being eyed out by the 'men' sitting at the bar... these are the same 'men' we were to be dating shortly afterwards. All the ladies (all 11 of us) were seated one per table armed with a pen and paper. The men (all 6 of them) arrive taking up their positions and the evenings events are explained. We get 3 minutes in total to talk to eachother before the men are ushered on and moved to the next table. Only 3 minutes you say, for most of them we managed to fill that time easily, but when you are confronted with someone who answers every question in one-word-answers then those 3 minutes feel like a lifetime.
As you may have guessed there were NO real prospects, well at least not for us, I hope that some of the other woman there managed to find someone that they would like to see again, but for the 4 of us... NOT A CHANCE. The 1 hour worth of 'dating' was then followed by a meal (lamb and fillet and chicken skewers with veggies and potato wedges... followed by a delicious chocolate fondue). However, when you are flirting more with the waiters than the prospective dates you know the evening aint going well.
The highlight (or lowlight as it may be) was my glorious tumble down a flight of stairs... luckily no-one was there to witness the spectacular feat. This happened on one of my bathroom trips and while I was stone-cold sober. As I started down the stairs I managed 2 steps and as I took the third my heel BROKE... my favorite pair of shoes... BROKEN. So now I have some lovely reminders of the evening, a ginormous bruise on my hip and knee and a twisted ankle.
As for the DRAMA... which seems to be the trend in my entries lately... the BEFH has now completely gone over the edge. I will not divulge the details here but he definitely needs help. He has hit absolute rock bottom, and I am convinced he is trying to pull me down with him. There is nothing more that I can do... I am exhausted, done, finished. I can and will no longer be made to feel responsible for him (and by that I mean responsible for finding him help). I had a chat with his mother now and have filled her in as much as I can and told her that she now needs to sort her son out. After the latest incident I no longer WANT him around me or my children (even though he has once again done the "I don't/won't see them again" thing).
I know I never asked for this (or otherwise I am being punished for something I did in a past life). At least this time round I am not doing this alone and was on the phone with my mom again tonight. I really don't know what it had to come to this for me to realise that I always had her there for me, but I never asked before.
And to top all of this off, we had clients/colleagues down from Copenhagen for the last 3 days, which has required me to be bright and perky and alert for meeting after meeting after meeting.
Right now I need sleep, so that is it from me for now.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Pic of the Week - My Family
A balletrina in the making... practicing for the upcoming exam... it really isn't easy always being the tallest in the class.
The light of my life... he is always ready with a smile and his laugh is contagious.Here are my four legged and feathered children
Josie...
Mittens...
Nelson (the old man in the house)...
and lastly... FreckelsThursday, November 16, 2006
Taking back control... bit by bit
I am slowly getting myself out of the really bad place I have been in for the last week. Taking control of my life again, or at least trying to. I finally stopped crying yesterday, then it turned to anger and at least that I can deal with, I can rationalise it, get to the source and change it.
So what has changed? Well for starters I am no longer letting BEFH have any control over my emotions, I will NO LONGER expend any energy on him even in the form of anger (which as I have discovered is the most energy sapping emotions there is), he is simply not worth that amount of energy. The second thing that changed is that I ended "it" (whatever "it" was) with Irish... turns out he was a cowardly bastard after all... and that is all I have to say on that matter.
I also had a nice long chat with my mother last night... I am not one who easily asks for help, even if it is just for me to talk to someone, and for some reason my folks are always last on the list of people that I do talk to... so anyway, one of my closest, bestest friends (Lady B) contacted my mom yesterday and that led to my mom popping in for a visit which ended up in us chatting for a few hours. As I discovered yesterday I am more like her than I ever knew (or would ever have admitted in the past)... we are both stubborn and hard headed and strong willed and independent souls who cherish that independence above all else. Anyway, I always knew, and was reminded again last night, that I have their support 100% and that I should never hesitate to ask for that support when needed.
And as for support... Ms C (I know you are reading this too)... thank you, thank you and once again thank you... you know why.
So, in honor of rediscovering some good feelings... here are 3 things that made me happy today
1. My children... they put up with sooo much from me, and even though they can push my buttons like no-ones business, they also know when I am down and are ever ready with hugs and kisses...
2. My family and friends that are always there when I need them most... my mom, Lady B, Ms C, Yummy D
3. A glorious summer day in Cape Town... yes it was a little windy (well maybe more than a little as I discovered when the wind almost took off my skirt when I tried to cross the road) but this is the most beautiful city to be in right now.
So what has changed? Well for starters I am no longer letting BEFH have any control over my emotions, I will NO LONGER expend any energy on him even in the form of anger (which as I have discovered is the most energy sapping emotions there is), he is simply not worth that amount of energy. The second thing that changed is that I ended "it" (whatever "it" was) with Irish... turns out he was a cowardly bastard after all... and that is all I have to say on that matter.
I also had a nice long chat with my mother last night... I am not one who easily asks for help, even if it is just for me to talk to someone, and for some reason my folks are always last on the list of people that I do talk to... so anyway, one of my closest, bestest friends (Lady B) contacted my mom yesterday and that led to my mom popping in for a visit which ended up in us chatting for a few hours. As I discovered yesterday I am more like her than I ever knew (or would ever have admitted in the past)... we are both stubborn and hard headed and strong willed and independent souls who cherish that independence above all else. Anyway, I always knew, and was reminded again last night, that I have their support 100% and that I should never hesitate to ask for that support when needed.
And as for support... Ms C (I know you are reading this too)... thank you, thank you and once again thank you... you know why.
So, in honor of rediscovering some good feelings... here are 3 things that made me happy today
1. My children... they put up with sooo much from me, and even though they can push my buttons like no-ones business, they also know when I am down and are ever ready with hugs and kisses...
2. My family and friends that are always there when I need them most... my mom, Lady B, Ms C, Yummy D
3. A glorious summer day in Cape Town... yes it was a little windy (well maybe more than a little as I discovered when the wind almost took off my skirt when I tried to cross the road) but this is the most beautiful city to be in right now.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Hormones? maybe...
I don't know what has got into me lately. The last two weeks I have been soo angry... angry at life, angry at God, angry at myself... and I am taking it out on the two people that spend the most time around me... my children. In the last two days this has suddenly turned to sadness... no, more than that... Heartache. The smallest things are setting me off, sitting here writing this post I am on the verge of tears for the 9th time today and about the 100th time this weekend.
I have been struck with an absolute feeling of despair, of confusion, of a lack of direction in my life... a feeling of existence instead of living. I have had a nervous breakdown before and been thrown into the grip of depression that only medical assistance could get me out of and avoid me taking my own life... I am NOT there now, I know the warning signs though and am worried that I may be heading that way again...
Yesterday I almost ended things with Irish... I had hit the lowest point of my day and he was the target of my aggression. Maybe I still should (end it that is) as I am no good to anyone at the moment... not that he would even know THAT... his list of priorities goes something like this:
work
socialising
work
mother
work
flat
work
dog
work
meeting new young single carefree childless spontaneous woman... no... GIRL
FUCK IT... why should I care, I have been the one saying all along that I don't want anything serious (and I DON'T). He has the potential to be a good, even a great, friend... and I am quickly ruining any chance of that at the moment. If he finds someone that is more suited to his way of life, then I am happy for him. I have witnessed him at his worst, with anger targeted towards a certain ex (of his) that was causing some problems in his life... and I stuck around... let's hope he can see my worst, and accept it. If not... then it is HIS loss.
You know what... I have just realised and remembered why I started this blog in the first place. It is a place for me to vent.. to let out these emotions and thoughts and ramblings instead of bottling them up inside as I always used to do. I am feeling a little bit better right now (even though I am sure it will be short lived - so expect an update this evening).
-------------------------------------------------------------------
*update*
Just when I thought my day was taking a turn for the better... when my ex-mother-in-law had taken the kids for a visit for a few hours, giving me a momentary respite and chance to breath and catchup on the housework that had been piling up this weekend, just when I had a quick lie down to recharge my batteries.... and I have a visit from BEFH!!!
This time he physically cornered me in the garden, again proclaiming his love and rambling on about how he should have fought for me when he had the chance. One of those many many many that I gave him through our 6 years of marriage.... or all the times I fought to save the marriage through our year of separation... including the times when I actually DID take him back only for him to fall straight back into his old habits...
Can you believe he physically stood in my way and wouldn't let me get past him. He even restrained me when I tried to get around him, and before you all shout domestic abuse... NO he did not strike me in any way. He doesn't operate like that... he is a manipulator of the mind and emotions. Normally I could put up with this, but he caught me at a week point today and for the first time in a long time he actually saw me crying, and I hate the fact that I let him see that he is getting to me, that he is having an emotional impact on me (even if it is anger and hate).
I have been struck with an absolute feeling of despair, of confusion, of a lack of direction in my life... a feeling of existence instead of living. I have had a nervous breakdown before and been thrown into the grip of depression that only medical assistance could get me out of and avoid me taking my own life... I am NOT there now, I know the warning signs though and am worried that I may be heading that way again...
Yesterday I almost ended things with Irish... I had hit the lowest point of my day and he was the target of my aggression. Maybe I still should (end it that is) as I am no good to anyone at the moment... not that he would even know THAT... his list of priorities goes something like this:
work
socialising
work
mother
work
flat
work
dog
work
meeting new young single carefree childless spontaneous woman... no... GIRL
FUCK IT... why should I care, I have been the one saying all along that I don't want anything serious (and I DON'T). He has the potential to be a good, even a great, friend... and I am quickly ruining any chance of that at the moment. If he finds someone that is more suited to his way of life, then I am happy for him. I have witnessed him at his worst, with anger targeted towards a certain ex (of his) that was causing some problems in his life... and I stuck around... let's hope he can see my worst, and accept it. If not... then it is HIS loss.
You know what... I have just realised and remembered why I started this blog in the first place. It is a place for me to vent.. to let out these emotions and thoughts and ramblings instead of bottling them up inside as I always used to do. I am feeling a little bit better right now (even though I am sure it will be short lived - so expect an update this evening).
-------------------------------------------------------------------
*update*
Just when I thought my day was taking a turn for the better... when my ex-mother-in-law had taken the kids for a visit for a few hours, giving me a momentary respite and chance to breath and catchup on the housework that had been piling up this weekend, just when I had a quick lie down to recharge my batteries.... and I have a visit from BEFH!!!
This time he physically cornered me in the garden, again proclaiming his love and rambling on about how he should have fought for me when he had the chance. One of those many many many that I gave him through our 6 years of marriage.... or all the times I fought to save the marriage through our year of separation... including the times when I actually DID take him back only for him to fall straight back into his old habits...
Can you believe he physically stood in my way and wouldn't let me get past him. He even restrained me when I tried to get around him, and before you all shout domestic abuse... NO he did not strike me in any way. He doesn't operate like that... he is a manipulator of the mind and emotions. Normally I could put up with this, but he caught me at a week point today and for the first time in a long time he actually saw me crying, and I hate the fact that I let him see that he is getting to me, that he is having an emotional impact on me (even if it is anger and hate).
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Friday, November 10, 2006
I'm tested, I know...
I have had the most nerve wracking 28 hours of my life.
As you may know (or at least have guessed from the timer ticking down at the top of the site) I am going to Jordan at the end of the year. While there I have decided that I would like to see Damascus (Syria) at the same time. My tickets are bought, the hotels in Jordan booked and the next task was to investigate visa's.
Jordan was easy, they like South African's there. The visa's are free and you can collect them at the airport when you land, just show them your permanent SA passport and they give you the visa no-questions-asked. GREAT. THEN there is Syria. These can take up to a month to organise AND they require laboratory results of a recent HIV test. WTF was my first reaction...
Where the hell do I even start with this? was the thought going through my mind. I have had an aids test before for my life insurance policy earlier this year, but then they came to me to draw blood and then disappeared never to be heard from again. Well, my policy was approved so I assumed that the test result was negative. This time however, I had to purposefully find somewhere to specifically get tested for the HIVirus. The one place that I knew of close to my place of work seems to have closed (or moved or something, but no-one seems to know where it is). So, next best bet was my GP, luckily I had the paper to prove the visa requirement in response to the skeptical looks I got from him :)
"Do you have any reason to be concerned about the results?" He asked me.... well No, but you never really do know, do you?
Yes, I have started a new relationship recently, and yes I have taken a few unnecessary risks in the last year given our current AIDS situation in Southern Africa. You look at a person, take into account their history (or at least what they have revealed to you) and you take the precautions you deem necessary... but you can never be 100% sure until you are tested. So NO, I didn't feel that I had anything to be concerned about... However, think about what it is that is being tested... this is SERIOUS stuff, and to not be a little wary would be simply stupid.
So, anyway, this afternoon (about 28 hours after the blood was drawn) I returned to my GP to get my results. NEGATIVE.... YEAH.... THANK GOD
Now I can get my Syrian visa... let's see if they can get the paperwork done and get my passport back to me before I leave.
As you may know (or at least have guessed from the timer ticking down at the top of the site) I am going to Jordan at the end of the year. While there I have decided that I would like to see Damascus (Syria) at the same time. My tickets are bought, the hotels in Jordan booked and the next task was to investigate visa's.
Jordan was easy, they like South African's there. The visa's are free and you can collect them at the airport when you land, just show them your permanent SA passport and they give you the visa no-questions-asked. GREAT. THEN there is Syria. These can take up to a month to organise AND they require laboratory results of a recent HIV test. WTF was my first reaction...
Where the hell do I even start with this? was the thought going through my mind. I have had an aids test before for my life insurance policy earlier this year, but then they came to me to draw blood and then disappeared never to be heard from again. Well, my policy was approved so I assumed that the test result was negative. This time however, I had to purposefully find somewhere to specifically get tested for the HIVirus. The one place that I knew of close to my place of work seems to have closed (or moved or something, but no-one seems to know where it is). So, next best bet was my GP, luckily I had the paper to prove the visa requirement in response to the skeptical looks I got from him :)
"Do you have any reason to be concerned about the results?" He asked me.... well No, but you never really do know, do you?
Yes, I have started a new relationship recently, and yes I have taken a few unnecessary risks in the last year given our current AIDS situation in Southern Africa. You look at a person, take into account their history (or at least what they have revealed to you) and you take the precautions you deem necessary... but you can never be 100% sure until you are tested. So NO, I didn't feel that I had anything to be concerned about... However, think about what it is that is being tested... this is SERIOUS stuff, and to not be a little wary would be simply stupid.
So, anyway, this afternoon (about 28 hours after the blood was drawn) I returned to my GP to get my results. NEGATIVE.... YEAH.... THANK GOD
Now I can get my Syrian visa... let's see if they can get the paperwork done and get my passport back to me before I leave.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Soul mate: Fact or Fiction?
My mind very seldom slows down (although many would dispute that), and over supper I found myself contemplating the existence of soul mates. This while gnawing down on chicken drumsticks. While eating with my hands my thoughts jumped to a particular friend who refuses to eat with his hands - even burgers and pizza's get the knife and fork treatment. This is someone who I actually have a fair deal in common with, but enough differences to keep me intrigued at the same time.
Then from here my mind made the giant leap to the concept of soul mates (of course). What makes a person a soul mate, is it the things you have in common or the things that are different, or maybe it is a combination of the two? Do soul mates even exist at all or is it all just a figment of our fairy-tail-stimulated-imaginations?
What do you think???? Have you found your soul mate? and if so, HOW do you KNOW that they are the one??? Is there only one perfect person out there for each of us (if any)???
I am by nature a romantic, so I do (or at least used to) believe in the existence of this mythical match, but my experiences over the last 29 years (okay well at least the last 10) makes me doubt this belief slightly. Then I think back to my grandparents who made it to their 52n'd wedding anniversary. Now no-one other than them will ever know if they truly did attain this magical match, but hope they did, and then I have a glimmer of hope that I might find MY match one day...
Then from here my mind made the giant leap to the concept of soul mates (of course). What makes a person a soul mate, is it the things you have in common or the things that are different, or maybe it is a combination of the two? Do soul mates even exist at all or is it all just a figment of our fairy-tail-stimulated-imaginations?
What do you think???? Have you found your soul mate? and if so, HOW do you KNOW that they are the one??? Is there only one perfect person out there for each of us (if any)???
I am by nature a romantic, so I do (or at least used to) believe in the existence of this mythical match, but my experiences over the last 29 years (okay well at least the last 10) makes me doubt this belief slightly. Then I think back to my grandparents who made it to their 52n'd wedding anniversary. Now no-one other than them will ever know if they truly did attain this magical match, but hope they did, and then I have a glimmer of hope that I might find MY match one day...
Sunday, November 05, 2006
the power of music... and response to anon...
Okay this is the hundredth time I am attempting to post this... blogger has been going into seizures since yesterday morning and keeps LOOSING my entries and comments.... AARRGGGGGGG. So here is the post that made it's first appearance yesterday.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This morning, getting into my car I found that there was very little decent music to listen to on the radio (as usual) and turned on my cd player. I had completely forgotten what was in at the time and was greeted by the following... Evolver: Stronger.
Music has always had a profound role in my life... there is almost never a time when there isn't something playing... like a soundtrack to my life. But the lyrics of this particular song were somehow just what I needed to hear this morning.
i see you there,
lying down when you should be getting up,
you in despair, all alone just take a stand,
you'll be alright.
all this time,
you found a way how to mend a broken heart,
look around and you will see the friends you got,
you not alone, no.
it gets stronger,
every little thing you do is bolder,
if you feel like crying, here’s my shoulder,
i aint afraid.
i see you high,
in the clouds don't care what the people shout,
you moving on with your life just take my hand,
we'll make it right.
looking back,
you wonder how you found the strength to carry on,
you needed time to make it right in your mind,
you are home... home
it gets stronger,
every little thing you do is bolder,
if you feel like crying, here’s my shoulder,
i aint afraid. i aint afraid.
I just wanted to share that with you all.
And to the anonymous commenter from last night on my post "A night to remember...", I have been trying to respond all morning, but blogger seems to have gone into shock and is refusing to update the comments... so here it is....
anon HMMMMMM I don't even know where to start in response to that.
Firstly, I love my kids more than you or anyone else could ever know and I am NEVER EVER EVER negative about their dad in front of them.
This blog is a place for me to vent and to talk and to blow off steam ANONYMOUSLY. Only a small handful of people here actually know who I am... and I have never used real names when referring to anyone.
As for Mr Irish... I do have peace in myself, but what is wrong with being with someone just for the sake of being with them... I have never had grand ideas of where this 'fling' is going. I am not looking for anything serious right now, he knows that, and we are both happy with where this is. As for a different type of man to love me for who I am and treat me the way I want to be treated... who ISN'T looking for that.
Friends... man, how pathetic do you think I am? Of course I phoned to find out what they were up to... and I do organise braai's etc. That was one particular night that I felt like going out and letting my hair down and unfortunately for me it was a last minute decision and everyone was busy.
Why the hell and I justifying myself to you, but you know what... keep your fingers crossed regarding the hunky locksmith :)
P.S. I must admit you have intrigued me... the fact that a complete stranger has taken any interest in my life based on my insane ramblings here :)
Please feel free to e-mail me and we can continue this discussion… InsanelySingle at gmail dot com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This morning, getting into my car I found that there was very little decent music to listen to on the radio (as usual) and turned on my cd player. I had completely forgotten what was in at the time and was greeted by the following... Evolver: Stronger.
Music has always had a profound role in my life... there is almost never a time when there isn't something playing... like a soundtrack to my life. But the lyrics of this particular song were somehow just what I needed to hear this morning.
i see you there,
lying down when you should be getting up,
you in despair, all alone just take a stand,
you'll be alright.
all this time,
you found a way how to mend a broken heart,
look around and you will see the friends you got,
you not alone, no.
it gets stronger,
every little thing you do is bolder,
if you feel like crying, here’s my shoulder,
i aint afraid.
i see you high,
in the clouds don't care what the people shout,
you moving on with your life just take my hand,
we'll make it right.
looking back,
you wonder how you found the strength to carry on,
you needed time to make it right in your mind,
you are home... home
it gets stronger,
every little thing you do is bolder,
if you feel like crying, here’s my shoulder,
i aint afraid. i aint afraid.
I just wanted to share that with you all.
And to the anonymous commenter from last night on my post "A night to remember...", I have been trying to respond all morning, but blogger seems to have gone into shock and is refusing to update the comments... so here it is....
anon HMMMMMM I don't even know where to start in response to that.
Firstly, I love my kids more than you or anyone else could ever know and I am NEVER EVER EVER negative about their dad in front of them.
This blog is a place for me to vent and to talk and to blow off steam ANONYMOUSLY. Only a small handful of people here actually know who I am... and I have never used real names when referring to anyone.
As for Mr Irish... I do have peace in myself, but what is wrong with being with someone just for the sake of being with them... I have never had grand ideas of where this 'fling' is going. I am not looking for anything serious right now, he knows that, and we are both happy with where this is. As for a different type of man to love me for who I am and treat me the way I want to be treated... who ISN'T looking for that.
Friends... man, how pathetic do you think I am? Of course I phoned to find out what they were up to... and I do organise braai's etc. That was one particular night that I felt like going out and letting my hair down and unfortunately for me it was a last minute decision and everyone was busy.
Why the hell and I justifying myself to you, but you know what... keep your fingers crossed regarding the hunky locksmith :)
P.S. I must admit you have intrigued me... the fact that a complete stranger has taken any interest in my life based on my insane ramblings here :)
Please feel free to e-mail me and we can continue this discussion… InsanelySingle at gmail dot com
Friday, November 03, 2006
The BEFH: The Saga Continues
Maybe it is just me (I doubt it), but just in case I am throwing this out for comment. My ex has decided that the following is completely logical and sensical... This is the culminating statement of last night's fiasco... "Well if I can't see you then I don't want to see the kids either!". WTF.
Someone please explain to me on what planet that makes sense. His 'explanation' of this statement is that he sees me and the kids as one unit and cannot separate his love for us. Therefore the fact that I have told him to fuckoff out of my life once and for all means that he feels he cannot stand to see the kids again either.
This all came about after I got home yesterday after my sons concert (which was soooo cute) to find that he had set up a complete candle lit dinner in MY lounge, and me completely loosing my cool and telling him it is unacceptable, unwanted, invasion of privacy (AGAIN), I'll be changing my locks and getting a restraining order against what I now consider to be a stalker. "But I die a little bit each time I walk away from you" he said... to which I responded that he must just fuckoff and die now as I NEVER EVER EVER want to see him again other than at kid exchanges.
Someone please explain to me on what planet that makes sense. His 'explanation' of this statement is that he sees me and the kids as one unit and cannot separate his love for us. Therefore the fact that I have told him to fuckoff out of my life once and for all means that he feels he cannot stand to see the kids again either.
This all came about after I got home yesterday after my sons concert (which was soooo cute) to find that he had set up a complete candle lit dinner in MY lounge, and me completely loosing my cool and telling him it is unacceptable, unwanted, invasion of privacy (AGAIN), I'll be changing my locks and getting a restraining order against what I now consider to be a stalker. "But I die a little bit each time I walk away from you" he said... to which I responded that he must just fuckoff and die now as I NEVER EVER EVER want to see him again other than at kid exchanges.
AARRRGGGGGGGG
You know what... good riddance to bad rubbish is all I can say.
By the time he left I was soooo frazzled by the events of the evening, and was left quite upset and even sad... but let me explain why before you start thinking that I still have an iota of feeling for the man.
Why was I upset... well for 2 reasons... one selfish and one not
1. My children... How do I explain to them that their father doesn't want to see them again? Do I bother trying to explain it at all? As much as I can't stand the sight of him anymore, they do still need a father in their lives... Especially my son
2. My 'me' time (the time I had to myself when they went to their father) is now gone. It is not that I want to get away from my kids (couldn't be further from the truth). But those fortnightly breaks help me to restore some of my sanity, and unwind and have some adult conversation. My time to just do what I want, when I want and how I want. But more than THAT... what will I do with them now during my planned, booked and paid for holiday at the end of the year.
This is not the first time he has pulled this 'stunt', but the big difference is that in the past I would give in (due to above 2 reasons) and put up with him and his presence in my life. BUT NOT ANYMORE. As for the rest, well... I'll survive, I always do... and I am going to have to start relying on family more.
By the time he left I was soooo frazzled by the events of the evening, and was left quite upset and even sad... but let me explain why before you start thinking that I still have an iota of feeling for the man.
Why was I upset... well for 2 reasons... one selfish and one not
1. My children... How do I explain to them that their father doesn't want to see them again? Do I bother trying to explain it at all? As much as I can't stand the sight of him anymore, they do still need a father in their lives... Especially my son
2. My 'me' time (the time I had to myself when they went to their father) is now gone. It is not that I want to get away from my kids (couldn't be further from the truth). But those fortnightly breaks help me to restore some of my sanity, and unwind and have some adult conversation. My time to just do what I want, when I want and how I want. But more than THAT... what will I do with them now during my planned, booked and paid for holiday at the end of the year.
This is not the first time he has pulled this 'stunt', but the big difference is that in the past I would give in (due to above 2 reasons) and put up with him and his presence in my life. BUT NOT ANYMORE. As for the rest, well... I'll survive, I always do... and I am going to have to start relying on family more.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
A night to remember... Fatal blogging mistake... And the EX from HELL
WOW, WOW, WOW, Incredible, Fantastic, Spectacular... Last night was in a word... AMAZING.
This is the third time I have had the pleasure of seeing LIVE in concert in Cape Town and each time they get better and better - as does the crowd. I went with Ms C and met up with her sister and BIL. We also tracked down Adumski & Samwise and a few of their friends (A... You are off the proverbial hook for now). Later Yummy-D was spotted (although that is not a difficult thing as this 6'4" person stands out in the crowd a little) with L2.
It was an evening of incredible music and much dancing, singing (shouting) and FUN. The Parlotones were the opening act for the evening and they were also SUPERB... they had the crowd up and on their feet from the very first song and what followed was 4 hours of ROCK. YEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. Needless to say my feet and voice are suffering a little this morning... but it was WELL WORTH IT.
Irish was there aswell although he had managed to secure golden circle tickets with a backstage pass through a friend (proving again that it is WHO you know not WHAT you know that counts), and HERE lies my fatal blogging mistake. Not long after I met him I, in a moment of madness, told him about my blog. This has meant that I have been censoring my entries concerning him a little... but not any more.
IRISH... if you are reading this... please be warned that this is a place for me to vent anonymously and let off steam when needed... so keep that in mind when reading any future entries... better yet... stop reading them.
And now for the slimy, manipulative, bastard ex from hell.
Last week I told him about the fact that I had met someone... and that is all I told him. This then sent him into a 5 day sulk from which he emerged last night. Seeing as I was going out for the evening, he came to babysit the kids and in the 20 minutes that I was at home for a quick change out of work attire and freshening up to go out he cornered me and continued to profess his undying love for me.
AARRRGGGGGG, does this bastard just not get it. When we were married he was never around... when we were separated he couldn't give a flying fuck about trying to fix things... now, almost 2 years after we were divorced, after I have made peace with the fact that it is over and am no longer angry/depressed/sad, after I have moved on and a statement like that simply has NO MORE EFFECT ON ME... he has the audacity to tell me that he has never loved me as much as he does now, and how he can't live without me, and then fucking tries to kiss me. KISS ME.... it was all I could do not to bitch-slap him. He is a leach.... no... worse than that... he is a microbe that lives in the slimy scum of a leach.
For the sake of the kids I have been trying to keep a friendship going between him and I, but I simply cannot do this anymore. My life is complicated enough, and it is time to start removing some of these complications. I foresee all the locks at home being replaced very very soon, and all kid exchanges happening in public venues from now on. He is still their father and I will have to put up with him at all school events and important day's in their lives... but I will no longer tolerate him in MY home.
Pic of the week
The great thing about being small is that your mouth is at just the right level to shovel food off your plate.
Careful inspection of the semi-precious gems at the Scratch Patch. Let's see if this one makes the grade and get's taken home.
My little sun god'let. He is MUCH more content to lie in the sun than get in the water.
And lastly my waterbaby.... getting her OUT of the water is next to impossible
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)